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The current period signifies a ten-year milestone since the word “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the idea that someone could suddenly stop contact with a lover without a word seemed like the peak of indignity. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes unsuccessful endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Gen Z, a demographic who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive breakdown to the terms gen Z is using to navigate romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reply is inquisitive or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who forgo having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of being guarded: utilizing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal quirks indicating a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes unstable, bad tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks affirm your choice to date a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane repulsions that instantly kill any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {